What can I say? It happens sometimes. what you dream might happen versus what actually happens. I think it’s a product of too many days on the road. Who knows? We think we are on it, we think all is well. Maybe. The simple truth is one gets tired, very tired without being aware to what degree. There is an agenda, an itinerary which one seeks to adhere to.
It’s not fixed in any real sense but the desire is stick with it regardless.
The journey must come to an end but can it reach its intended conclusion?
At a certain point the desire for the whole thing to end is overwhelming. Still one persists.

There are many reasons for this.
The organisation that went before, the outlay of money that will be lost should things not proceed, the regret that one did not see it through when things return to normal.
Still, decisions have to be made and it is better to make them without regret. Our psychology plays strange tricks. Sometimes it’s difficult to really understand what we seek. Other things are always at play which do not disclose themselves readily. The picture we construct of our own consciousness is vague at best. How much of each component is enough for our emotional stability?
Small amounts of what we think we want is more than enough. More than enough. But the tendency to overdo just about everything without sufficient awareness of where things may be headed is what happens. (We appear to be subject to collective stories which suggest there is more to be realised than we are capable of understanding).
Very foolish but on it goes – regardless.

What are the conditions that allow an empty-mind state? A state of consciousness comprised only of the present moment – because in truth there is nothing else. In spite of our best intentions this is the most  difficult state to realise because … the present moment must arise spontaneously. It is all there is. We don’t grasp the fundamental reality of this. The present moment cannot be constructed, organised or pre-planned. All must be in harmony but this is the metaphysical conundrum. We cannot consciously recognise when everything is in harmony yet we have a sense of it. It is fleeting at best. The mind chatter continues of itself.
Without discipline we are largely unaware of the possibility of stillness particularly under chaotic circumstances.
Do we exert any control over our existence? I don’t think so. Yes we make decisions based on what confronts us in each moment. But (when it comes to dreams ) the reality of realising them is never how we construed them in the first place. Life has a way of realising itself of its own accord.
We may well be none the wiser.

So what to do? Most important is to learn to trust our own instincts. Invariably that is the way. Unfortunately this is something that is rarely taught to the young both by parents and educators. This is very unfortunate. What a difference this simple thing would make.
Decisions are made by the rich and powerful which influence everyone by way of stories which negate the instincts of individuals who endeavour to conform to so called norms; not always for the better. No one bothers to explain the differences.
The road to self realisation is very lonely indeed.
We must help each other. People left to there own devices have a strange way of making sound decisions. To realise we all have this capacity is crucial.
So much time is wasted trying to appear to be within the bounds of so called normality lest others construe us otherwise. To be authentic or at least have a sense of what that may be is something very worthwhile. It is a great place to begin. Again no one really talks about such a simple idea.
Learning to respect each other in such a way would be of great benefit.
I mean this in a cooperative not a competitive sense.